When deciding which books would work well with a Memories Box, Always and Forever by Debi Gliori and Alan Durant was an easy decision.

This is a touching story about friendship and how they cope when Fox, one of their greatest friends dies. Having lived together as a family, Otter, Mole and Hare really struggle to come to terms with Fox dying. They feel as though life is just not the same and find it hard to live without him.

As time passes and after a visit from their friend Squirrel, they talk about how they all miss Fox. As the conversation continues they share stories and remember all of the good times that they shared and the laughter that they miss.

With such beautiful illustrations it is easy to get swept along with the story and understand why the characters feel so sad. This is a great opportunity if reading along with a child, to ask how they think they would feel if they were one of Fox’s friends.

As the story continues, Otter, Mole and Hare start to realise that even though they miss Fox dearly, life does go on. They remember Fox and laugh at their memories feeling as though he is laughing alongside them.

In The Box

The decision was then, ‘which craft activity works best with this story?’

Always and Forever tells of Fox dying by the oak tree, his friends then bury him under the willow tree. It therefore seemed most suitable to add the craft supplies to create a button memory tree on canvas.

This activity can be an emotional experience. It can give the person doing it the opportunity to have conversations about their feelings. Although it is simple, it can be very revealing. It may allow you an insight into what that person may be thinking or feeling.

You may choose to ask questions to help explore their choices and encourage conversation. However, the person doing this activity should not be made to discuss their feelings further if they don’t want to.

Feeling of sadness or anger are normal when doing this activity. It is important to let the person who is doing the activity know that this is ok to feel these emotions.

It is an activity that can be done in one sitting or over time, whichever suits better.

Instructions

In each Always and Forever Box you will find a canvas, paints, buttons glue and a notepad.

Start with pencil and draw a tree onto the canvas then paint or colour the tree.

The buttons can represent people or memories, just remember to make a note of what each one represents.

Each button can be stuck onto the tree whilst you chat about what they represent and why. This in turn helps to open up conversations. It can help you to discover what your child is thinking about and how they may be feeling.

The paints are included to use on the box itself to make it 100% theirs.

View and buy Always and Forever Box 1 here;

View and buy Always and Forever Box 2 here;

You may find that the person doing this activity needs further support. If you are unable to provide this it is always recommended that you speak to a professional. Some links to professional bodies can be found here;

../../../wordpress/resources/index.html

The post Always and Forever Box appeared first on Memories Box.

The death of a loved one can be one of the hardest experiences that human beings can suffer.

You might feel like you’ll never recover from the heartbreak, but you will. You’ll go through the stages of grief, and eventually will find joy again. Finding coping strategies becomes part of the grieving process.

A memory box can also called a keepsake box. It is any type of container where a grieving person can keep mementos safely inside. These may remind you of the person who is ill, who has died, or remind them of happier times.

All types of items can be kept inside including letters, photos, books, jewellery and clothing.

A memory box can be a helpful coping tool to help work through grief. Yours will be extremely personal to you and your experience.

If you have suffered the loss of a pet you may decide to create one. You may want to keep items inside that remind you of your pet.

If your parents have separated and you don’t get to see one of them often you can create one to remind you of them.

Special occasions like births, special birthdays or marriages can all have mementos to keep safe.

You may find one helpful for a person suffering from dementia. Items inside can ignite old memories.

There are many reason that people decide to keep a memory box. If you are looking for supplies to create your own, they can be found here;

../../../wordpress/product-category/create-your-own/index.html

For ideas of memory boxes that can support children, please see here;

../../../wordpress/product-category/memories-box/index.html

Child Bereavement UK supports children who are grieving;

https://www.childbereavementuk.org/

The post What is a Memory Box? appeared first on Memories Box.

What do I put in my memory box?

When a person is preparing for or has suffered a bereavement, a Memory Box can be useful tool to help with the grieving process.

There are no rules as to what goes inside, it really is up to each individual.

If you have already experienced the loss of a person you may choose to keep photographs, letters, jewellery or piece of their clothing.

The box in the picture has a suggestion of some of the items that can go into a box. This one includes a journal that the Dad wrote about his life in, along with a photograph of Dad and Daughter together.

Using a memory box with someone who is terminally ill can be a great opportunity to share stories, perhaps painting hands and printing them on the outside?

These boxes help memories to come flooding back into hearts and minds each time it is opened and can offer great comfort as part of the healing process.

These can also be used after the loss of pet. You may want to keep their collar, lead, favourite toy, or photos inside.

For children, objects can help remind them of loved ones, of happy times spent together. Memories that are so important when we are missing someone.

Boxes can be plain or decorated with paints to give them that personal touch.

They are also a thoughtful gift if you are looking to support a child but cannot be with them.

Create your own box using supplies that are available here;

../../../wordpress/product-category/create-your-own/index.html

Or if you would like one with contents included, please look at the ranges we have here;

../../../wordpress/product-category/memories-box/index.html

Dear Dad journal available here;

../../../wordpress/product-category/journals/index.html

Further support is available from many charitable organisations, such as;

https://www.childbereavementuk.org/

.

The post What Do I Put in a Memory Box? appeared first on Memories Box.

If we are unfortunate enough to know that one of our parents will soon die, say from diagnosis of a terminal illness, the grieving process starts from the day we find out.

A memory box for mum, or dad, can be a healing activity for all concerned.

There are some great journals available for parents that contain questions for parents to answer. This allows the child of that parent to be able to read about them for themselves.

Take photos, read stories, ask questions and keep mementos. It is items like these that will be treasured in the future.

I will always be grateful to have letters with my Dads handwriting on.

For younger children it might be nice to paint hands & print them onto the box.

There are many ways to use a memory box, but the best way is the one that feels right to you.

A from you to me Dear Mum journal is a beautiful gift to give you any mother. It allows them to answer prepared questions that their children can look back on at any time.

../../../wordpress/product-category/journals/index.html

Help and support is available from many charitable organisations such as the Good Grief Trust

https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/find-support/for-young-people/

The post Memory Box for Mum appeared first on Memories Box.

If you find yourself in the position where you are supporting a grieving child, it is important to remember that each child is unique and their experience will be unique to them.

Some of the most commonly used techniques that you may find helpful;

• Give clear, honest and age appropriate information it gives clarity and offers trust between adult and child.

• The child may need reassuring that they are not to blame. That any feelings that they may have are OK and normal.

• Allow the child time to talk about what has happened. Let them know that any questions can be asked

• Regular routines that the child is familiar with can be comforting to a child who is experiencing changes in other areas.

• Children need clarity, to know that the important adults in their life are there for them.

As with adults, one of the most compassionate ways that you can help is to listen. Give the child time to grieve in their own way.

If you need further advice on how to support a bereaved child, there are many organisations available.

There are many professionals and charity organisations who help children who are struggling to cope with grief. The Good Grief Trust is one of many;

https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/

It is vital that we support children in the right way. Grief that hasn’t been recognised can cause issues throughout life.

There are some beautiful books available that can hep to open up a gentle conversation about life and loss;

../../../wordpress/product-category/books/index.html

Work through a Memories Box with your child. Some that are available;

../../../wordpress/product-category/memories-box/index.html

The post How to Support a Bereaved Child? appeared first on Memories Box.

My story

Laying beside to me is my dog. My best friend and confidant. She is around 10 now, we rescued her soon after my Dad died. At the time she had an approximate age of 12 months.. 
Through the years she has been my constant, my comfort, my friend and companion.. This morning she listened as I explained about ‘lockdowns’ and we have to stay home to keep safe. As she looked at me with ears pricked forward, looking into my eyes, I knew she understood.

In the past 6 months the signs of her aging have started to become clear. The slower pace that she walks, the plodding of paws if we go too far. The greying of hair around her face and the sleeping, much more sleeping.
We know we are living on borrowed time and that when the inevitable day arrives, the grief will hit me like a steam roller..
I will feel all of the emotions that one does with grief, whether it be a family member, friend, pet or end of a relationship. The anger, the uncertainty of if I did all that I could, the tears, the heartache, the loss.. These pains and feelings will be real and raw.

If this is you

For those experiencing this or if you know someone who is and are trying to give support, you may find the following helpful.

Of course people can be heartless or perhaps just don’t understand. They may say ‘it’s just a dog’. Only said by those who have never loved or cared for a pet or felt that real connection.
Any animal that has been loved by a human can leave an emptiness when they die.
​Grief of a pet can be a lonely experience as not everyone will understand the pain that you feel.
Coping with pet loss is real.

The loss of a pet can affect physical as well as mental health. You may find that you have problems eating or sleeping, or find it hard to carry out everyday tasks. If your pet was a work colleague, service animal or home support, it may be that you lose your independence, your protection, your guide and emotional support.

Maybe there will be regret, as to having the pet in the first instance. For any caring pet owner there will be heartache and a sense of loss.
Decisions can be hard. To know how and when to make the decision to euthanize a pet can also be traumatic. Is it the right time, am I doing the right thing? Is the vet right? Will I be judged? Is my pet in pain? Will it hurt? How will I cope? Where can it be done? Can I trust the professionals? 

This can go on for some time if a pet is poorly but managing. How can we answer these questions? We can’t, not all of them, not really. There is no black and white, no rule book.  Sometimes, tough decisions have to be made. We can beat ourselves up for many years after. All we can do is what feels right after listening to advice and assessing the individual situation at the time.

Understanding

From the loss of a pet it is possible that the owner will feel that life is no longer worth living. They may find they no longer have a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to go out of the house. They may become lonely and depressed, with suggestions of a replacement causing anger and resentment.
The death could be a sudden shock, an unknown cause, a fatal accident or a dreaded decision to ‘do what’s right’. Feelings of regret, disbelief entwined with the question why?

It may be that there is another pet at home who is also mourning the loss, and has a change of behaviour. There could be a child who needs to have the death explained in a way not to ignite fear.

In this time it is important to work though the grieving process. Emotions may not come in any particular order but the possibility of feeling denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are all very real and perfectly normal. People are different to one another and therefore handle things differently.   

What next?

We can choose to have our pet cremated and the ashes returned to us, or we can have our pet buried. You may want to hold a funeral or memorial for them possibly burying or scattering their ashes, favourite toy or collar. Again this is all perfectly normal and can help with the grieving process.
Some people may decide to isolate themselves away for a way to deal with their emotions alone. As long as this person knows that you are there for them when they are ready then you are helping them.

As time passes you may feel that you would like to celebrate your pets life and wish to celebrate the happy times that you shared. Mementos can be kept to help remember the happy times.
There are people and places available who offer help and support, you are not alone.

Creating a memory box for a pet can be a positive step in the healing process.

Us now

I wrote this article at the start of the global pandemic. Our old girl is still hanging on in there and remains here with us, but the occasional stumble appears to happen more frequently.

It feels at times as though we are living on borrowed time, but I am grateful that she is still enjoying a cuddle and a stroll around the park. My son and I will definitely create a memory box to hold her collar, lead and a few other items that will hep keep her memory alive.

​Much love to all x

Resources

There are many charitable organisations that can help, but please contact your GP if you feel you cannot cope.
 
https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss
https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/pet-bereavement/
https://www.rspca.org.uk/adviceandwelfare/pets/bereavement

If you would like to create your own memory box for your pet, supplies can be found here;

../../../wordpress/product-category/create-your-own/index.html

I am not a professional in any manner, but have my own experiences & knowledge, just wishing to help others.

The post Coping with Pet Loss appeared first on Memories Box.

In any situation when one feels anxious as if they are starting to panic and spiral into an anxious state, it is worth practicing breathing exercises. These can help both centre the mind and body.

Dirga pranayama or three part breathing taken from varying yoga practices is one of the most calming and grounding breathing exercises that you can do, helping to focus attention on the present moment and getting in tune with the sensations of your physical body. It is also one of the most simple techniques to learn that can be carried out anywhere at any time.

The act of mindful breathing and focusing on this helps to regulate the body and its intake of oxygen. By practicing this breathing technique it can be helpful, if we start to feel that wave of grief start to come over us to focus our mind on our breathing to calm that overwhelming feeling.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a word and practice becoming more commonly used in today’s society. A technique that has been used traditionally in the Ravadin Buddhist tradition is called Satipatthana
Sati meaning awareness and Patthana means keeping present.
There are four foundations to mindfulness. These (according to NyANAPONIKA, 1962) are body, feelings, mind states and mind objects

The intention is to perceive and pay attention to (in an objective manner), the arising and passing away of all conditions of mind and body.
Mindfulness of the body can help one become aware of their posture, sensations affecting the body and the breath, whereas mindfulness of the mind is about being aware of the state of the mind, such as angry, sad, guilty, or, but not exclusively, a distracted mind.

Mindfulness of mental objects relates to thoughts and how these thoughts can affect mental and physical reactions

Everyday mindfulness is the easiest and most practical place to start the act of it, from the moment of awakening, or at least after the first cup of tea, but before using any technology, sit and be in the present moment by using breathing techniques. If this can be continued throughout the day, little and often rather than for long set times, say when in the shower, brushing your teeth, queuing in a shop or waiting for something, use that time to practice mindfulness and ‘feel’ how you are sat, stood, what you can focus on that you can see or smell. It is all about bringing our senses back to the here and now rather than allowing our minds to wander away and in turn affect our body.

If practicing mindfulness is helping, it is a great staring block to then move onto meditation. Meditation recordings on a cd or via YouTube, many are available as the practice grows in popularity.
It takes constant practice for these techniques to become second nature and to be able to move ourselves into a state of mindfulness more easily.

Step-By-Step Instructions

Although this practice recommends lying down, breathing techniques can be practiced anywhere at any time in any position.
​The important thing is to focus the mind if grief starts to overwhelm

Step One

Step one
Lie down on your back with the eyes closed, relaxing your face and your body. You can keep the legs outstretched or bend your knees and bring the soles of your feet to the floor if that’s more comfortable. If you bend your knees, let them rest against each other.

Begin by observing the natural inhalation and exhalation of your breath without changing anything. If you find yourself distracted by the activity in your mind, try not to engage in the thoughts. Just notice them and then let them go, bringing your attention back to the inhales and the exhales.

Begin to inhale and exhale deeply through the nose.

On each inhale, fill the belly up with your breath. Expand the belly with air like a balloon.

On each exhale, expel all the air out from the belly through your nose. Draw your navel back towards your spine to make sure that the belly is empty of air.

Repeat this deep belly breathing for about five breaths.

Step Two

Step two
On the next inhale, fill the belly up with air. Then when the belly is full, draw in a little more breath and let that air expand into the rib cage causing the ribs to widen apart.

On the exhale, let the air go first from the rib cage, letting the ribs slide closer together, and then from the belly, drawing the navel back towards the spine.

Repeat this deep breathing into the belly and rib cage for about five breaths.

Step Three

Step three
On the next inhale, fill the belly and rib cage up with air. Then sip in just a little more air and let it fill the upper chest, all the way up to the collarbone, causing the area around the heart, expand and rise.

On the exhale, let the breath go first from the upper chest, allowing the heart center (yoga term) to sink back down, then from the rib cage, letting the ribs slide closer together. Finally, let the air go from the belly, drawing the navel back towards the spine.

Continue at your own pace, eventually coming to let the three steps of the breath happen smoothly without pausing.

Continue for about 10 breaths.

Remember not to force your lungs into overcapacity, they should feel comfortable, not like they are going to burst.Your breath should come in and out smoothly

I am not a doctor & have no qualifications, this advice is based purely on experience.
Please if you need help, contact a bereavement charity or speak to your GP.

Helen x

Many people find that keeping a gratitude journal allows them to remind themselves of happier and more positive times.

Memories Box recommends Wonderful Days Journal, click below for details;

../../../wordpress/product/wonderful-days-journal/index.html

Lena Henderson is a mindfulness & mindset mentor for children and parents, please take a look at her website, link below;

https://themindfulsteps.co.uk/

The post Grief and Breath Work appeared first on Memories Box.

My son opened it saying ‘This is so cool!!’. He observed each item and came across the guardian angel coin, he asked if he could take it to school in his pocket.

Helen was fantastic explaining the concept of the variety of art activities which helped me choose the right one for him.

He was so excited to paint the pebbles and it was an interesting insight into what plays on his mind.

Nanny and grandad as stars in the night sky,
A rainbow stone consisting of family members favourite colours.
A pet frenchie, Lulu who he misses dearly.
Grampys fave footy team Oxford United fc and he loved McDonald’s chips.
Nanny loves pink and gives lots of cuddles, and to always Persevere when things get tough.

He asked me to put the dog and persevere pebble in his lunch bag so he could show his best friend.

We read the book which sparked a surprising discussion opening my eyes up to the things that play on his mind.

I explained that God takes us to heaven when he feels we are ready. He took grandad because he was tired and couldnt breathe on his own, his body didnt work anymore. Now he’s in heaven he isnt hurting and can breathe easy so he can have fun with nanny.

He also said ‘But your legs get tired and your body hurts just like badger in the story.’
I know but my heart is so very strong, i had that scan done the other week remember and its all good. God knows im not ready yet, we still got so many fun adventures to go on, and he smiled.

We then went on to talk about parting gifts we have received. He remembered his Grampy gave him his watch and told him to practise telling the time so that he could tell him the next time he saw him.
I told him he also gave me gifts too. When i was little he taught me how to tie my shoelaces, how to bird watch and to look after flowers.

See we carry those we’ve lost with us always.

The box will play a valuable part of our grieving process as a family and we will fill it with photos and drawings and continue to delve into it whenever we want to feel close to those we’ve lost. I cannot thank Helen enough, a simple but very precious idea”

Hayley Louise Stiff  recommends Memories Box.

The post How Hayley and her son were helped by a Memories Box appeared first on Memories Box.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and grief.

It is becoming more widely accepted and understood that post-traumatic stress (PTSD) can be triggered by grief, some experiences like the death of a loved one, including that of a pet can cause PTSD, especially if the death has been tragic or sudden.

PTSD has been recognised since the 1980’s to describe the symptoms of those exposed to a traumatic event. Figures reveal that one fifth of people who have suffered a traumatic event will go on to develop symptoms of PTSD and although symptoms usually begin early, within 3 months of the traumatic incident, they can sometimes begin years afterwards.

In order to be able to help and assist someone it has to be recognised as a PTSD case. Normally but not exclusively the sufferer will have been left grieving after a traumatic event or death and after a continuing period of more than two months the patient will still be experiencing great feelings related to grief.

There are recognisable symptoms that help with the diagnosis of PTSD

Intrusion Symptoms
The experience of intrusive memories is possible when someone is going about their normal daily lives but just cannot stop themselves thinking about the traumatic experience. This might just be fragments of it or replaying the whole memory.
Traumatic nightmares can also become a problem. These are the nightmares that usually feel very unpleasant, disturbing and real at the time. They may wake you suddenly, feeling startled and confused by where you actually are, with your heart racing, feeling very upset, although you may not always be able to remember your dream.

Flashbacks (Dissociative reactions) can occur when the traumatic experience was impossible to either escape or defend, also referred to as the fight or flight responses. With experiences like this our brain/body system automatically goes into shutdown (freeze) response which involves numbing or immobilisation. Flashbacks can become a common experience for people who have suffered this way and although the traumatic experience was in the past, it can feel as though it is happening all over again. Sometimes these flashbacks can be mistaken for an epileptic fit as they can cause black outs and the person experiencing it can lose temporary consciousness of their surroundings.

There can be uninvited reminders of the trauma that continue for to linger on for longer periods of time, these can trigger a range of emotions including anger, sadness, shame, guilt and more.

When people are reminded of their traumatic experience it can have a very real effect on the body and how it reacts. These can also go on for some time and may include sweating, breathing difficulties, palpitations, headaches and more.

Persistent avoidance
There are occasions when people may find that they cannot cope with re-experiencing any thoughts or feelings related to their experience at all. They may avoid talking about it or become jovial as a tactic to avoid any real and deeply disturbing emotions. They may try to detach themselves from the impact that the experience has had or they could be using distraction techniques to try and avoid or block intrusive thoughts.

It is understandable that many people will avoid places, situations and possibly people, objects and situations that remind them of their traumatic event. This is a coping response, but can lead to further problems of isolated and lonely lives.

Negative alterations in cognition and mood
It is possible that for many people their traumatic event can be so overwhelming that they dissociate themselves from it. The most unbearable aspects of the event are pushed to the far back of their mind so that they cannot be recalled so easily. It is important to work through this as those memories can still have a negative impact on the physical body.

Traumatic experiences can have an impact on how people feel about the world, other people and even themselves. They may be struggling to come to terms with their own actions or those of others. This need to be recognised that it has come from the trauma suffered and isn’t incorrectly diagnosed as depression. It is easy to blame oneself for the traumatic event that has occurred, this self-blame can be difficult to overcome.

Alterations in arousal and reactivity
People can find that they have problems with concentration, that their memory is impaired as their brain is
re-occupied by the traumatic event. They may find that they forget things, lose track of conversations or find it hard to concentrate on a film or book.

They may feel tense or on edge. The brain can be put into a state of high alert from the trauma experienced, that was possibly vital at the time to avoid more danger, but this can continue afterwards.
People can often find it hard to sleep, either struggling to fall asleep or waking frequently. Sleep deprivation can then lead to further issues with other emotions such as irritability and concentration.

They may experience angry outbursts. Peoples level of tolerance is much lower when their brain is under constant arousal as a consequence of trauma and they may find themselves more irritable or even aggressive that how they had been before their experience.

Treatments and Therapies
Antidepressants may help with controlling PTSD symptoms such as sadness, worry, anger and the feeling of numbness inside. Other medication may help with sleep problems and nightmares.
Psychotherapy (“talk” therapy) can also be helpful for some people or possibly a mixture of medication and therapy. It can depend on the person, and what treatment is recommended by the mental health provider.

References used;
The Cotswold Centre For Trauma Healing
www.cotswoldcentrefortraumahealing.co.uk
NIMH National Institute of Mental Health
www.nimh.nih.gov/
Cruse Bereavement Care
www.cruse.org.uk
Gulf Bend Centre
www.gulfbend.org
Sudden
www.suddendeath.org

If you are worried about a family member please seek help. There are many resources available not only the places mention above but also the following charity organisations, or your local GP.

https://www.childbereavementuk.org/
https://www.winstonswish.org/

If you wish to keep a gratitude journal, Memories Box recommends;

../../../wordpress/product/wonderful-days-journal/index.html

To create your own Memories Box

../../../wordpress/product-category/create-your-own/index.html

The post Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Grief appeared first on Memories Box.

Every now and then we come across a business or an idea so unique we all have an “aah” moment in the office.

by Sarah Smith, freelance copywriter.

The post Memories Box Featured in Micro Biz Mag appeared first on Memories Box.