When deciding which books would work well with a Memories Box, Always and Forever by Debi Gliori and Alan Durant was an easy decision.

This is a touching story about friendship and how they cope when Fox, one of their greatest friends dies. Having lived together as a family, Otter, Mole and Hare really struggle to come to terms with Fox dying. They feel as though life is just not the same and find it hard to live without him.

As time passes and after a visit from their friend Squirrel, they talk about how they all miss Fox. As the conversation continues they share stories and remember all of the good times that they shared and the laughter that they miss.

With such beautiful illustrations it is easy to get swept along with the story and understand why the characters feel so sad. This is a great opportunity if reading along with a child, to ask how they think they would feel if they were one of Fox’s friends.

As the story continues, Otter, Mole and Hare start to realise that even though they miss Fox dearly, life does go on. They remember Fox and laugh at their memories feeling as though he is laughing alongside them.

In The Box

The decision was then, ‘which craft activity works best with this story?’

Always and Forever tells of Fox dying by the oak tree, his friends then bury him under the willow tree. It therefore seemed most suitable to add the craft supplies to create a button memory tree on canvas.

This activity can be an emotional experience. It can give the person doing it the opportunity to have conversations about their feelings. Although it is simple, it can be very revealing. It may allow you an insight into what that person may be thinking or feeling.

You may choose to ask questions to help explore their choices and encourage conversation. However, the person doing this activity should not be made to discuss their feelings further if they don’t want to.

Feeling of sadness or anger are normal when doing this activity. It is important to let the person who is doing the activity know that this is ok to feel these emotions.

It is an activity that can be done in one sitting or over time, whichever suits better.

Instructions

In each Always and Forever Box you will find a canvas, paints, buttons glue and a notepad.

Start with pencil and draw a tree onto the canvas then paint or colour the tree.

The buttons can represent people or memories, just remember to make a note of what each one represents.

Each button can be stuck onto the tree whilst you chat about what they represent and why. This in turn helps to open up conversations. It can help you to discover what your child is thinking about and how they may be feeling.

The paints are included to use on the box itself to make it 100% theirs.

View and buy Always and Forever Box 1 here;

View and buy Always and Forever Box 2 here;

You may find that the person doing this activity needs further support. If you are unable to provide this it is always recommended that you speak to a professional. Some links to professional bodies can be found here;

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The death of a loved one can be one of the hardest experiences that human beings can suffer.

You might feel like you’ll never recover from the heartbreak, but you will. You’ll go through the stages of grief, and eventually will find joy again. Finding coping strategies becomes part of the grieving process.

A memory box can also called a keepsake box. It is any type of container where a grieving person can keep mementos safely inside. These may remind you of the person who is ill, who has died, or remind them of happier times.

All types of items can be kept inside including letters, photos, books, jewellery and clothing.

A memory box can be a helpful coping tool to help work through grief. Yours will be extremely personal to you and your experience.

If you have suffered the loss of a pet you may decide to create one. You may want to keep items inside that remind you of your pet.

If your parents have separated and you don’t get to see one of them often you can create one to remind you of them.

Special occasions like births, special birthdays or marriages can all have mementos to keep safe.

You may find one helpful for a person suffering from dementia. Items inside can ignite old memories.

There are many reason that people decide to keep a memory box. If you are looking for supplies to create your own, they can be found here;

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For ideas of memory boxes that can support children, please see here;

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Child Bereavement UK supports children who are grieving;

https://www.childbereavementuk.org/

The post What is a Memory Box? appeared first on Memories Box.

What do I put in my memory box?

When a person is preparing for or has suffered a bereavement, a Memory Box can be useful tool to help with the grieving process.

There are no rules as to what goes inside, it really is up to each individual.

If you have already experienced the loss of a person you may choose to keep photographs, letters, jewellery or piece of their clothing.

The box in the picture has a suggestion of some of the items that can go into a box. This one includes a journal that the Dad wrote about his life in, along with a photograph of Dad and Daughter together.

Using a memory box with someone who is terminally ill can be a great opportunity to share stories, perhaps painting hands and printing them on the outside?

These boxes help memories to come flooding back into hearts and minds each time it is opened and can offer great comfort as part of the healing process.

These can also be used after the loss of pet. You may want to keep their collar, lead, favourite toy, or photos inside.

For children, objects can help remind them of loved ones, of happy times spent together. Memories that are so important when we are missing someone.

Boxes can be plain or decorated with paints to give them that personal touch.

They are also a thoughtful gift if you are looking to support a child but cannot be with them.

Create your own box using supplies that are available here;

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Or if you would like one with contents included, please look at the ranges we have here;

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Dear Dad journal available here;

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Further support is available from many charitable organisations, such as;

https://www.childbereavementuk.org/

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Una was kind enough to spend some time chatting to me about the best ways for parents and carers to start the conversation about life and loss with the children in their care.

Whether you choose to use a Memories Box or not, I hope that you find this video useful.

I hope that it helps and please reach out to myself or Una if you need further advice or support.

• How and when do I start the conversation? – If you are here now watching this video and consider this conversation important, then start now. Allow a space for the conversation to be had and ask them how they feel. Take the child’s lead.
• What if they refuse to interact? – Don’t panic, accept and try again another day, without pressure.
• Should I leave them to complete the activity alone or do it with them? – This type of craft (the button memory tree) evolves over time, so parents involvement should be available as this is to help conversations between adult and child.
• How much should I tell them about the preparation for or death itself? – It really depends on the child’s ability to understand and what they and the parent feel comfortable with. It is best if the parent knows how they feel themselves before discussing with your child.
• What if I cry, should I not be the strong one? – Tears do not mean that a person is not strong, an adult is still the one who is there for the child.
• How will I know if my child needs further support from professionals? – Pay attention to their changes in habits, altered sleep pattern, changes in behaviour or appetite. It is best to seek help and support early on as wellbeing and mental health of a child is so important.

Una Archer is passionate about supporting secure attachment in parent-child relationships.

She has dedicated her life and career to understand family dynamics.

With over 20 years of experience and qualifications that include ‘Circle of Security Parent facilitator training’ and ‘Brainspotting Therapy’ and being a mother herself she can offer such invaluable support.

Pop over to her site to book a free initial consultation

https://www.helpyourchildthrive.co.uk/

Thank you Una

With love to all

Helen x

The post Guest Blog with Una Archer Help Your Child Thrive, how to start the conversation about life and loss with your little one. appeared first on Memories Box.

Listen to how and why I decided to start Memories Box and why talking about bereavement and grief is so important to discuss with our children.

Lives can be affected by all types of grief and if this is not addressed in the right manner at the right time this can lead to mental health problems of all types in the future.

Please talk

with love

Helen x

The post Di Parker Podcast with guest speaker Memories Box appeared first on Memories Box.

I get it because my mum did the same for me when I was younger. However, the impact of this meant that when she suddenly died and I finally had to face grief for myself (at the age of 25), I literally fell apart because I didn’t understand what was happening.

My answer to all parents who feel confused about how to grieve around their children is this; your default is to “be strong”, yet what your children want you to do is be open and honest.

Society and friends will have us believing that we all need to “stay strong” after a loved one has died. I can see why people say this in so far as the practical arrangements that need to be taken care of after somebody died. However, this type of statement totally overlooks the emotional aspects of grief. I know that on the inside, you may feel far from strong.

So here’s the thing… when you conform to these expectations and do the whole “I’m fine” routine you are hiding away your true experience. This results in being dishonest with yourself, as well as with your children. So you can choose to struggle on with the pretence that you are being strong, or you can simply be human. Experience tells me that your children want and deserve the latter.

Your children would like you to know that they have more emotional understanding and agility than you realise. It is possible that in an attempt to protect them from your grief that you will actually end up alienating yourself from them and creating weirdness in your relationship. Your children want to remind you that they have a sixth sense about these things and they will know when you’re being incongruent. For example, any feelings of sadness they have will reflect the changes they sense in you.

I hear your concerns (and possibly gasps) in terms of how you feel about displays of vulnerability. This is totally valid because it’s not something that comes naturally to human beings. That being said, I also know that your cautious behaviour can result in a breakdown of communication and you may become less present as a parent. Your children don’t need to be protected from loss and the pain it may cause because it’s a fact of life. What they want is for you to help them feel secure and cope in the healthiest way possible.

Bereavement changes you, so it’s inevitable that you won’t be the same parent as you were before. Accepting this fact is helpful and getting comfortable with sharing your new reality is part of the process – however long it takes.

I want to be clear that I’m not suggesting you should try to force your grief onto your children, or play out your experience through them, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed in your grief. What I’m saying is that your children need you to respect their capacity to share in your grief and for you to know when it feels right to do so. There is a balance between not hiding things and not worrying them either.

Aside from anything, you’ll be surprised at what you can learn from them in terms of resilience. Depending on their age and development, they may not fully grasp the complexities of your loss but it is important to allow them into your world – even just a little.

Your children want you to know that by giving them permission to be in your world (as precarious as it feels) is a way of holding onto your connection with each other. Whilst grief can feel all-consuming at times, it will not affect the bond you have with your children and you will adjust to life together.

Here are a few tips you may find useful:

• Help your children to understand that it is okay to have their own separate feelings which may be different from yours. For example, it’s okay for them to laugh and smile even if you’re not in that space right now.
• It’s important to use direct language about death and grief that cannot be easily confused or misunderstood (such as euphemisms).
• It’s better to share small chunks of information with children and build on it as and when they ask you questions about death and grief. Let them take the lead.
• Reassure your children that regardless of where you’re at, that not thinking about the person who has died all the time is okay, just as talking about them is okay too.
• Participate in joint activities designed to remember the person who has died if they are up for it (be guided by them). Check out Helen’s Memory Boxes here.

If you feel you would benefit from some additional support (and by the way, it’s okay to ask for help) then do seek out a trusted friend to talk to, or a professional. There are also family / play therapists who can work with you and your children together.

Much Love,

Louise

About Louise

Louise is a Grief & Loss Coach, NLP Practitioner, Bereavement Trainer and Mindfulness Teacher. She is also the founder of The Bereavement Network for practitioners.

Her background is in psychology, and mental health. She is a city born-country girl, originally from Birmingham and now living in beautiful Shropshire with her husband and four legged office companion.

After experiencing significant losses in her life, Louise decided 4 years ago to focus on helping others with bereavement, grief and loss. She is also a trainee counsellor.

You can contact Louise, read about her story and access her resources on here website: https://www.louisecreswick.com

You can also follow Louise’s work and connect with her on social media:

www.facebook.com/LouiseCreswickCoach

www.linkedin.com/in/louise-creswick

The post Guest Blog by Louise Creswick Grief & Loss Coach, NLP Practitioner, Bereavement Trainer and Mindfulness Teacher appeared first on Memories Box.